Might Have Been
by dcj
Summary: I'm sorry, no, there is no chance and this really is the best thing.


This was only supposed to be a one shot but I was starting to get frustrated when I hit 9000 words and it felt like the only way I was going to post was if I broke it into a couple of chapters and gave myself time to mull the second half over.

Apologies in advance to my friends on twitter. I was almost 8000 words in before we had our discussion on what we should and shouldn't put Sam and Andy through. Sorry.

Thanks to SairsJ for reading this over for me. And as always, I own nothing Rookie Blue. I hope you like it.

* * *

The phone rang twice before the officer on desk picked up with the standard "Toronto Police Service, Fifteen Division."

"This is the Police Department?"

"Yes ma'am, Fifteenth Division."

"Yes, I'm looking for a," the person on the other end of the line paused as if they needed to check who they were looking for. "Sam Swarek. He doesn't answer his cell phone and this is the alternate number."

"Yes, he works here but I'm sorry; Officer Swarek is in the middle of an interview. Can I take a message?"

"This is Memorial Hospital and it's imperative that I speak to Mr. Swarek right away," the voice on the phone insisted.

"Is this for a case?"

"Excuse me?"

"Um, I uh…" The rookie stuttered; she hadn't been with the division long and she really had no idea what the protocol was for this.

"Officer Murray, is there a problem?"

The novice cop jumped up from her seat, startled by the voice booming out behind her. "No Sir, well yes Sir, um, I need Officer Swarek."

"He's in an interview."

"I know that, but they said it was an emergency."

"They?" The imposing figure looked at the phone still clutched tightly in her hand. "Are **they** on hold?"

"Uh, well, no..."

"Oh for Pete's sake." He yanked the phone out of the officer's hand. "Sargent Best."

"Best?"

"Yes."

"I was looking for Sam Swarek."

"Officer Swarek is unavailable at the moment," Frank confirmed.

"This is Memorial Hospital and it's quite imperative that we speak to him."

"May I ask what this is regarding?"

"I'm sorry, you are again?"

Frank huffed out a loud breath. "My name is Sargent Frank Best, this is my division, and I am Mr. Swarek's superior officer."

"Well we have a patient in the ER and Mr. Swarek is listed as the secondary emergency contact. We have been unable to reach the first contact and if we wait any longer…" the person paused, mindful of giving out too much information. "Well we need to speak to him immediately before the situation worsens."

"Who is the patient?" Frank hadn't received any word from Headquarters, but he was starting to get a bad feeling.

"Excuse me?"

"The patient; I need the name of the patient," Frank insisted.

"I really don't think that I'm authorized to provide that information."

"If you want to speak with my officer, you will tell me who the patient is," Frank growled.

"One moment please."

Frank waited on the phone, internally cursing. Sam had a sister who was married so he could be her secondary contact, but there was also one other person he could possibly be listed for. Frank held his hand over the receiver. "See if you can get me Detective Callaghan."

"Sargent Best?"

Frank quickly lifted the phone back to his ear. "Yes, I'm here."

"Since I have confirmed the number and your position, I have been given permission to release the name of the patient but I cannot tell you anything further. The only person we can release information to is…"

"I know, I know, Officer Swarek," he grumbled, "just tell me who the patient is."

"If you want any further information, you'll need a warrant unless Mr. Swarek chooses to share it with you. But we do need to speak to him."

"The patient…?" Frank prompted.

"Is Andrea McNally," the voice revealed. "She was brought in thirty minutes ago and some decisions need to be made. Can you please get Mr. Swarek?"

"Do you want to hold?"

"It would be best if he came in actually. Will he be available to come in?"

"Um, I'm…" Frank stuttered out, "if he can't?"

"We would need to track down her other contact I suppose."

"Could I…"

"I'm sorry," the woman interrupted. "As I said before, with a warrant I could release information to you but you would still not be authorized to make any decisions regarding care options."

Frank didn't like the sound of that. "But if her life is at stake, I'm sure there are protocols."

"At this point…" There was a long slow breath at the other end of the line. "Will Mr. Swarek be coming or not; if not, I should make alternate arrangements."

"If Mr. Swarek cannot come, I will bring a warrant and we'll go from there."

"Thank you."

Frank handed the phone back to the rookie at the desk. "Sir?"

He waved her off, intent on only one thing, the interrogation rooms.

* * *

Sam tried to tamp down the smirk, finally he was getting somewhere. He had just opened his mouth to voice another question when a knock came at the door. He was completely caught off guard when Frank poked his head in and asked him for a moment. He told the man cuffed to the table that he would be right back and quickly followed his boss out into the hall. He'd barely closed the door behind him before Traci stepped out of the viewing room.

Frank let out a long slow breath; he had forgotten that it was her case Sam was helping with. And now… he knew she would want to know, that McNally would probably want her to know. Frank extended his arm back towards the viewing room and ushered them both in.

Frank wasted no time once the door closed behind him. "I just got a phone call," he explained.

Sam and Traci exchanged a worried look. They had no idea where this was going, but from Frank's tone, it wasn't good.

"Now I know that things weren't really…" Frank paused; he really had no idea where things had been left. "I don't know if…"

"Spit it out, Frank," Sam recommended.

_He asked for it. _"It's McNally."

"What?" Identical gasps of disbelief flew from both of their mouths and Traci reached for the nearest wall to help steady herself. Sam's jaw clenched as he fought to keep himself in check.

Frank was nodding. "Apparently they can't reach her father and Sam you're listed as her next emergency contact. Now, I know that information may be a little outdated so if you're uncomfortable…"

"Uncomfortable with what?" Sam inquired, doing his best to rid his mind of all the unbidden images that were swirling through it – her covered in blood, a doctor hiding behind a mask as he asks him if he wants to pull the plug… identifying her body.

"They wouldn't give me much, but if you can't or won't go then I need to get a warrant so I can find out what needs to be done, and start a search for her father."

Sam tried to push past him. "We're wasting time here."

"I'm sorry, but I had to ask," Frank asserted, already contemplating Plan B. "They said I can get the warrant or…"

"What? What the hell for?" Sam bellowed.

Frank furrowed his brow. "Do you want to…"

"Nash, can you…" Sam waved his hand towards the window, hoping she could take over the interrogation for him. There was no way he was staying there when Andy was in the hospital.

Traci's face dropped; did he really expect her to stay there when her best friend was in the hospital. She looked at both men helplessly.

Frank shook his head. "Fine, you can both come. Get someone in booking to get this guy back in holding. But we're taking my car," he added, not trusting either of them to drive.

After arranging with the officer in booking, they moved swiftly towards the front desk. "Did you reach Callaghan?"

"No Sir," the rookie on desk responded, "he's not answering his cell."

"I don't even know if he's using it or what his part is. Shit," Frank cursed. "Contact HQ; will you? See what you can dig up. If they won't tell you, call me on my cell."

The three rushed out to Frank's suburban completely missing the perplexed look on the rookie's face; she really had no idea what she was even digging for.

Sam climbed in the back seat, leaving shotgun for Traci. He hadn't said a word since they exited the building.

"Who brought her in?" Traci wondered when they were only a few blocks away.

"I don't know," Frank revealed, "all they told me was her name and that…" He snuck a quick peek at Sam in the rear view mirror before looking sideways at Traci, "decisions had to be made."

They heard Sam suck in a loud breath, but he still didn't say a thing.

Less than ten minutes later, Frank pulled into the emergency lot and put the vehicle in park. He had to practically run to catch up to Sam and Traci. He walked through the automatic doors just in time to hear Sam inquire about Andy.

They were instructed to take a seat until the doctor could come out and speak to them. It wasn't long before the physician appeared, but that did little to ease Sam's mind. He had no idea if it was a good thing or a bad thing. _Did the man need to hurry?_

"You're here for Miss McNally?"

"Yes," the three answered in tandem.

He looked down at his chart and then up at the group in question. "Mr. Thomas McNally?"

"No, he's… we were told you weren't able to reach him."

"No, he's not answering at the numbers we have for him." He looked back down at the papers. "Samuel Swarek then?"

Sam stepped forward. "That's me."

He motioned his hand towards the back. "Come with me please."

Sam watched Traci's face fall; he cleared his throat. "You can… I mean..." He didn't know what he meant really. He had no idea what he was walking into, let alone whether or not he could do it in front of someone else.

The doctor cleared his throat. "If you choose to share with your friends, I will leave that up to you. However, under the circumstances…" He again gestured towards the back. "Please."

Sam exchanged a look of worry with Traci. _What circumstances? _At her nod, he followed wordlessly behind the doctor.

He was ushered into a small room and barely had time to get seated before the doctor started speaking again. "I'm going to get straight to the point."

Sam swallowed hard; _the man was definitely in a hurry_.

"Miss McNally lost a lot of blood; she also lost consciousness. It appears she hit her head when she fell and has suffered a concussion."

Sam clenched his jaw tight, flashed his teeth once quick. "Was she shot? Stabbed?" he probed, and then most importantly, "is she okay?"

The doctor stared at Sam in confusion, having no idea where he got the impression there was violence involved. "Miss McNally is holding her own right now. Are you and she…" With two different last names, he had no idea of the relationship he was working with here.

Sam wasn't really up to airing his dirty laundry so he decided to keep it close the truth without… "We work together. We were partners for a long time and were close; she recently went on assignment so we haven't been…"

The doctor nodded, the reason for the inquiry becoming clear. "**Officer** McNally suffered a miscarriage…"

Sam only registered bits and pieces after that. _They had given her a blood transfusion but the fetus… a D&C. In most cases, the body would pass it eventually… the doctor wasn't sure they wanted to wait. She may have blacked out from the blood loss… open head wound… no idea how long she had been exposed to the dirty floor… worried about infection... currently treating a fever… Doing the D&C might give her body more strength to fight the infection… body was being torn in two different directions… permission to complete the procedure._

"Mr. Swarek… Mr. Swarek."

Sam shook his head, did his best to pull his focus back to the doctor. "Hmmm?"

"As her emergency contact, do you consent to the procedure?"

Sam ran his hand over the back of his neck; when she asked him to be her secondary contact, he had really hoped he would never have to worry about it and now… "And you think it will help? There's no chance…"

The doctor's head was shaking before Sam even finished. "I'm sorry, no, there is no chance and this really is the best thing. As I said, her body would likely pass it eventually but if we do it now, her body will have more energy with which to fight the infection."

Sam hated the fact that he had not been there to protect her… and their… He blew out a long slow breath. _Where the hell had Collins been? Or was she on her own? If Callaghan had her on her own…_ "Who brought her in?" He demanded.

The physician flipped over a few papers and searched through the notes. "It just says a gentleman brought her in but he disappeared shortly after."

Sam's fingers curled together, the knuckles starting to turn white_. How the hell could he leave her there? Who cared about the op, Andy should have been…_

"Mr. Swarek," the doctor prompted, "I really have no idea what's going on but the gentleman told us her name and told us to take care of her. Said to call her contacts and that she would be in good hands. And I need to know..."

Sam met the doctor's eye and gave one sharp nod prompting the man to rise immediately to his feet. He placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. "Take all the time you need in here. We'll come and get you when you can see her."

"Thank you," Sam managed to sputter out.

He sat in the room with his head in his hands_. Andy had been pregnant with… did they say how far along she was? It had to be… she'd only been gone… but what if… God, what if it wasn't his decision to make? He shook his head; no… as her contact, he made the best decision for her and that was what counted; it didn't matter… _

What felt like an eternity later, Sam stood up and pulled open the door. He knew he couldn't just let Frank and Traci sit there, but he had no idea what he was going to tell them. He stepped out into the hallway just as Andy was being wheeled by. He didn't even know his arm had snapped out.

The surgeon's movement was halted. "Yes?"

"What?" Sam looked over to see his hand clamped tightly on the doctor's forearm. "Do you, um… how far along was she?"

The man looked down at his chart. "Our best guess is about ten to twelve weeks." He looked at Sam, saw the unmistakeable sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry for your loss."

Sam's hand relinquished its stronghold and he watched as the team wheeled her away. He had no idea how long he had remained standing there before he heard another voice. "Sir, are you okay?"

Sam blinked a few times. He was definitely far from okay, but what else was there to say. A pair of wide brown eyes flashed through his mind, as he huffed out an ironic "I'm fine."

He ambled slowly towards the waiting room, Traci jumping up the second she saw him round the corner. She didn't like the look on his face. "What is it? Is she okay? What happened?"

Sam swallowed hard. "She, uh, lost a lot of blood. They've already given her a transfusion. She has an infection they're trying to fight and they, um…" He couldn't say it; best friend or not, he needed to talk to Andy first. Needed to know if she… "I just had to consent to some stuff so they could help her out with that. She probably won't be awake for awhile."

Sam couldn't look at either one of them as he spoke. All of his undercover skills had abandoned him. He was **not** someone else and he **had** just found out… He finally dared a glance when he felt Traci's hand on his arm.

"But she'll be okay right?" She knew he was holding something back, but right now the only important thing was that Andy was going to make it. The rest she would find out later, if not from him, from her best friend.

"Yeah," Sam nodded, "yeah."

"Good, Good."

Frank excused himself to head back to the station but asked to be kept informed. Sam suggested that Traci go back with him as they didn't have a vehicle here, and someone really should do something with the suspect they had in holding, and didn't she have to get Leo. Traci studied Sam before finally consenting. _It was already well past five and he had to be there if any other decisions needed to be made. And they obviously couldn't see her yet because there's no way Sam would still be talking to them if…_ She left on Sam's assurance that Andy's life was not in danger and that she wouldn't be awake until much later, that and his promise to call her if there were any changes. She assured him she would be back tomorrow either before work or at lunch.

* * *

Andy's eyes fluttered open and when she realized she wasn't in bed at home, well her UC home, she started to panic worrying that she had been made, taken. But as she took in more of the room, she recognized that she was in a hospital and she wasn't alone. "Sam?"

Sam had been lost somewhere between his thoughts and dreams, dozing on and off as a whirlwind of images passed through his mind. His eyes shot open at her groggy voice. "I'm here."

"But… what?" Her brow furrowed. "I'm supposed to be…" She searched her brain for the last thing she remembered; _it couldn't have been a dream. She remembered driving away with Nick and they had started working… she was at the bar_. "What happened?" She finally asked.

Sam cleared his throat, his voice taking on that soft low tone. "You lost a lot of blood and passed out, hit your head."

Andy reached up to run a hand through her hair; she felt around till she came to the bandage. Her eyes narrowed; she did have a bit of a headache. But, her stomach hurt too; her hand dropped down to take inventory but she didn't feel any wounds. She turned to Sam. "Was I hurt?"

Sam's face looked pained and he had a hard time holding her gaze. "No, you…uh…" he fumbled, "do you remember uh bleeding." His eyes shifted down quick and then back up before bouncing away from her again.

Andy watched him for a couple of seconds and then her eyes grew wide. She **had** been on the pill, her cycle governed by those pills. She hadn't given it much thought until she started unpacking at their new apartment. That was when she realized that she only had enough for the rest of the month and no idea what to do about a refill. She didn't know the logistics of getting the pill while she was under but had planned to ask her handler. She really didn't' think it was an emergency; I mean it wasn't like she was going to be… One month couldn't be that bad right? Wrong.

This morning she had woken up and she remembered then why she had never taken a break from the pills. When she was younger, she had been diagnosed with endometriosis, part of the reason she first went on it in the first place. Her father had not liked the idea one bit, but when he was told it was also for her health, he consented.

Andy remembered taking extra precautions earlier that day; it was starting to come back to her. She had been really busy that morning with a shipment that came in. It was only part way through the day when she had a chance to relax that she got that uncomfortable feeling. She remembered going into the bathroom but that was it.

"Oh God!" She flushed a deep crimson red, pressed her eyes closed and burrowed her head deep into the pillow.

Sam had been watching her run through everything in her mind obviously not liking what she saw. "Andy?"

"Don't, Sam, just… don't," she cautioned shaking her head from side to side but not once opening her eyes. "I… God, why didn't I say something sooner?"

Sam's jaw clenched. _What the hell was she doing still in there if she knew?_

"I'm that girl," she muttered to herself, shrugging her shoulders, rolling her finally opened eyes. "Of course I try not to be, actually make a conscious effort not to be," she continued to ramble, "but I am. No," she huffed out a loud breath, "I'm worse than 'that girl'."

"What are you talking about?" Sam broke in, having no clue who 'that girl' was.

Andy's face flushed red again. "God, Sam." She let her head flop back onto the pillow so she could stare at the ceiling, at anything but at him. "I screwed up another UC and for what?" She threw her arm across her eyes. "…for having a heavy period. Who does that?"

Sam's heart dropped to his knees; she didn't know. He reached his hand out to her arm trying to ease it away from her face. "Andy, stop. You…"

She yanked her arm away and his hand dropped helplessly to his side.

"I know, alright? You don't have to tell me," she groaned. "I got pulled from the op and now I'm never going to live this down. Thank God Boyd's not around anymore, could you imagine…"

"You had a miscarriage," Sam blurted.

Andy's arm flew away from her face, her mouth opening and closing more than once before she finally found her voice. "What? No. That can't be. I was…"

Sam nodded. "You did."

Andy stared at him for a few seconds before her eyes took on an almost manic quality. "Where's my dad? Did they call him? I didn't tell him I was gone…"

Sam tried to remain calm. "They weren't able to reach him."

"You have to find him. I left him, he doesn't know, what if he…" Andy gasped.

"We'll find him okay?" Sam assured her. "We'll track him down." He reached out to place what he hoped was a comforting hand on her arm. "But right now it's you I'm worried about."

Andy's head was shaking side to side as she spoke to the ceiling. "But he could… he's been doing well but what if…"

"Andy," Sam broke in, squeezing her arm gently.

Her movements stilled but she wouldn't meet Sam's eye. "Who told you?" She breathed out. "Where's Nick?"

Sam's jaw clenched tight for a second, but he had to admit that it was a legitimate question. "I don't know where Collins is. They said a guy brought you in so I'm guessing it was him, but they said he left."

"No," Andy's head was at it again. "He wouldn't leave me."

Sam was surprised to find that he actually wanted her to be right, wanted to be assured that someone had her back when it couldn't be him. But right now, the evidence pointed to the contrary. "If he's here, I don't know where he is, maybe trying to reach your handler or Callaghan?"

Andy's eyes narrowed. "But how did you get here then, if he didn't tell you?"

"They called the station," Sam revealed, tilting his head as he continued sheepishly. "I'm your alternate emergency contact."

Andy dropped her chin to her chest, studied her hands for a few seconds. "I'm sorry; I should have changed that."

"Andy, it's fine." His thumb caressed softly, almost unconsciously back and forth against her arm. "I'm glad you didn't. I… I wanted to be here. They said…"

Before Sam could go any further, Luke burst into the room. Sam scowled at the detective's always impeccable timing and backed away from the bed a few steps.

"Andy, I just heard; what happened? Collins said you were hurt." He finally looked up from his phone and took notice of Sam. "What are you…"

"I'm her emergency contact," Sam growled.

Luke's eyes grew wide. "But how did they…?" He looked at the ID tag at the end of the bed. "Why is she under her real name?"

"I don't know," Sam shrugged. "They called; I came."

"Andy?"

She was busy staring at Sam, absorbing his words and flinched when Luke addressed her. "I was out of it, Luke; I'm sorry. I just woke up and Nick's not here."

"Collin's contacted me but he never said anything about…" He pulled out his phone, started scrolling through information. "I don't know what he was thinking, unless…" He looked up at Andy. "How hurt are you? Are you pulling out?"

Panic filled Andy's eyes. She didn't know what she was doing; she had only just found out what happened. "Should I? I mean, am I supposed to pull out? Are there rules?"

"Depends, I guess," he mused. "How hurt are you? If you can't really defend yourself, it's probably going to be a little rough. Did the doctor say anything about recovery?"

"I'm pretty sure I'll be fine," she revealed looking over at Sam for confirmation.

"Andy," Sam cautioned. He hated when she said she was fine. They didn't even know that yet; the doctor hadn't even been by since she woke up. And fine physically was one thing…

Andy's eyes flitted over to Luke, refusing to acknowledge Sam's warning. "How long 'til you need to know?" _And if you say five minutes…_

"I can give you today, Andy, really that's all because we have to decide what to do with Collins. But we should check with the doctor to see if…"

"We can take care of that," Sam interjected quickly. He knew they should probably tell him; he was the head of her task force. But Sam just couldn't bring himself to; it was just too… new, personal…

"We?" Luke pulled his gaze from Sam to Andy. "I didn't realize that this was a joint decision."

"It's Andy's decision," Sam clarified, turning to her with a soft smile. "But I'll be here if she needs me."

Andy smiled back tenderly.

"I'm going to see if I can reach Collins," Luke announced, effective disrupting another moment. "Find out what he was doing when he signed you in under your real name. When he called to say you were here, all he said was that he needed to know everything was still good."

"Can you ask him," Andy stole a glance at Sam, wincing slightly at the tell-tale tightening of his jaw, "I'd just like to know what happened and maybe talk to him about everything before I decide."

Sam rolled his neck trying to relieve some tension. He wasn't really happy that she was asking for Collins, but he did want to know why the hell it took so long to get her help. And until Andy told him any different, he was going to be there 'til she told him he shouldn't be.

Luke nodded and then walked out with his phone already to his ear.

"Do you want me to get the doctor?" Sam offered.

"No, I'm sure he'll be in soon," Andy replied, "you should go home and get some sleep."

Sam checked his watch surprised to find that he had been there the whole night. "Andy, it's okay. I'm fine. I don't want to leave you alone. And we should…"

"It's okay; I want to call someone anyway."

Sam scowled. Didn't she see Callaghan's nod; he was already planning to let Collins know.

"I could just really use her advice."

Sam visibly relaxed; it made sense she would want to talk to her best friend. "She'll be back; probably at lunch if she hasn't made it yet."

Andy narrowed her eyes in confusion. "Who?"

"Nash."

"Oh, good," Andy agreed. She wanted to talk to her too.

"I can check if you like."

"Sam, you should just go," Andy tried again. "I mean…"

"I'm not going anywhere," Sam refused. They still needed to talk about this, about what happened, about where they go from here, about if she really was okay. When she started to protest again though, he relented… slightly. "If you need a little time, I'll go get something to eat. But I will be back and I would really like to talk about… everything."

Andy nodded eyes wide. Sam wasn't a talker so…

He kissed her on the forehead, offered her a soft smile and another promise to be back, and then he was out the door.

She listened to his footsteps echo down the hall and then pulled the hospital phone and book over.

"Hey."

"You're awake."

"Yeah, um…"

"What is it?"

"Can you come by and talk to me? I know it's early and hopefully you're not too busy, but Sam's gone for a bit and…"

She was a little surprised. Frank had told her McNally was in the hospital but that was it. "Sure, okay, just give me a few and I'll be right there."

It didn't take long before Noelle walked through the door with Olivia in her car seat. "I hope it's okay that I brought her."

Andy didn't think it would hit her that hard, but she could feel the tears prickling at the back of her eyes. "Of course, I love seeing her," Andy managed to get out. "Can I hold her?"

Noelle lifted the blanket away and started undoing the maze of belts. As soon as she got the little girl free, Andy held out her arms. Baby Best snuggled down into Andy's chest, nestled right up against the ache. Before she could even brace herself, the tears started to slide from Andy's eyes and she was helpless against them.

Noelle straightened up from tucking away all the blankets when she heard the muffled sob. "McNally?

"It was a miscarriage," Andy revealed on a shaky breath.

Noelle's face fell. "Oh shit, I'm sorry."

"No, no," Andy shook her off. "It's… I mean we're not even together really, not even close to being ready so it's probably for the best it's just…"

"Yeah, I know."

Andy looked up and realized that Noelle did in fact know. Probably knew better than most. Andy had no idea if she'd ever miscarried but she knew she knew what it felt like to want and be denied.

Andy sucked in a ragged breath. "And I mean to not even know and if I would have been paying attention maybe and I kept taking the pill, what..."

"McNally, you're going to drive yourself crazy with what ifs," the older officer imparted knowingly.

"I know, but if I had just…" Her head fell back onto the pillow as she let her thoughts fill the air around her. "We're not ready, we're not, but… I would have kept it you know, even without Sam, I would have… I would have tried to be a good mother, not that I really know what that's like."

"Yeah, McNally, you do," Noelle broke in, "you've watched Nash, helped her. You would've been great… you **will** be great when the time is right. Whether it's with Sammy or someone else…"

Andy gripped the baby a little tighter as the tears continued to roll freely down her cheeks. She wanted it to be Sam more than anything, and he was here… but could he forgive her, not just for leaving, but now for… She closed her eyes tightly trying to escape from the onslaught of emotions. She pulled in another watery breath tamping her eyelids down to slow the stem of tears, but the damn was broken.

Sam made his way back to Andy's room with a full stomach. As he peered around the doorjamb, he was surprised to see that it was Noelle and not Traci she was talking to. But she wasn't talking; no one was. He turned his gaze to Andy and his heart lurched. She was holding the baby as if it was her life preserver, the only thing stopping her from being pulled under the steady stream of her own tears. Sam's eyes clouded over and he started blinking furiously. They weren't ready; he knew that. But God, how could he miss something he never even knew he wanted, couldn't even see happening… until now, until her.

It was staring him right in the face. For the first time in his life he could actually picture it – sunkissed skin, big brown doe eyes, and the dimples he inherited from his own father.

A lone tear traced its way down his cheek before he swiped it away furiously.

* * *

A.N. I have been a very lucky mom; I have never suffered a miscarriage. I want to make sure I treat their situation with the utmost respect and I hope that I am successful with that. I don't have a lot of knowledge but I did do some research to make sure I wasn't totally out to lunch. I also spoke to a friend who unfortunately has had experience with this and she gave me some insight. I hope I've done their potential feelings justice.

The next chapter is partially written but to be honest this is bringing me down and I need something a little lighter. I'll try not to make you wait too long, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to write something else before I finish this one up. Thanks for reading.


End file.
